Cry of Silence

A persimmon tree takes roots on stones
A rock is taken and it is a little bit shaken

On the stones, a persimmon tree lays hope

3 stones left, to the right a persimmon tree is prone
"It is getting stronger," said men and women

2 stones left, down a persimmon tree is prone
"It is getting stronger," said men and women

1 stone left, to the ground a persimmon tree is prone
"It is getting stronger," said men and women

A persimmon tree will take away the last stone herself, it wants to be gone
When a bird descends on its branches bend

Will a bird hold its feather to the tree's bone
or peck the last stone away for her

Will a persimmon tree be told of life better at the ground
or as an antique cabinet will it end


-Fiona F.

"Life is a conundrum of esoterica"

"Life is a conundrum of esoterica" is a phrase I heard from "A Series of Unfortunate Events". In life, there are many things that we are going to see that we've never heard before. 

Another quote that I like from the movie is: "At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe us when we say that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may, in fact, be the first steps of a journey."

After closing 2016 with Bell's Palsy, I stayed a little longer in a highland, in a small town called Salatiga to recover. I visited my old campus and got to count new things around the buildings before the walk felt too lonely. The campus was still on break it was almost empty, but the winds that created a scene of raining leaves along the way felt pretty grand.

During my extended stay, I also learned how to differentiate a male turtledoves from the females. Won't tell more about it though. Just bragging. ;p I might forget about it soon too.














Oh, and I like houses that have rooftops or climb-able roofs, especially if the view is worth it.

The story I was about to tell you was on January 3rd. It was my Oma (Granny)'s birthday, and I was happy to get to celebrate it with the others.

That's right, 78 is she. The whole family squad was there except for my parents, my brother, an uncle's waifu, and a cousin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After dinner, my cousin and I heard a cry of a kitty and it seemed something was wrong, so we spent hours to find it. The kitty was apparently trapped after fell into a 3-meter water pipe inside a pillar from the roof. So we opened the gutter and fish-baited it with food. Then our maid, unfortunately, pulled it out by force. It was clawing its way out and the maid dropped, almost slammed, it right into the gutter.

Ladies and gentlemen, you have only two ways of rescuing wounded wild cats. One is the long and safer way, you leave it with foods and let it be for the sake of good first impression. Two is the quickest and painful way, you grab it by the body to later calm it down, and of course you'll get scratched here and there. The most important thing for number two is that you have to be ready, because the rule that follows this step is to never drop or slam it to the ground after you touch it. Don't be like our maid who tried to be helpful, but then she just screamed when the kitty pricked its claws and teeth to my hand when I rescued it barehanded. I don't mind the scars or the dirt though, really. I only mind the smell of the gutter which was very hard to wash.

 The next step is to get it to trust you. You have to hang around it until it gets used to you. You know it does when it lets you stroke its head and then you can help cleaning the dirt off with clothes or tissues. Luckily for cats, they can clean themselves, so you can help a little and leave the rest of the cleaning to them.

 Once it trusted you, it can love you back. The little scars are only a small price for the wonderful feeling of this kind of bond. The wild little creature now trusted you and wanted to cuddle and play!

We gave her milk and my uncle dotted its head with marker for recognition purpose(?) For kitten, however, the best care still lies with the mother, so we wrapped her with a cloth in a see-through container to reduce the cold wind and mosquito bites before we put her on the garden for the mother to come pick her up. She was gone by the morning. I think I heard the mother meowing out of joy at some point in the night. Here is the last image we saw of her. A burrito of fluffy-roll.

 Life is a conundrum of esoterica. The kitten might felt as she was being unfortunate with her fell, trapped and met some humans. To think the human way, it is fair to say that now the kitten has experienced and seen way more than her siblings her age. Maybe she can use the courage and knowledge in the future. The same goes with us people. What we thought as a series of unfortunate events may just be the first steps to prepare us for great things ahead.

 On the way to the airport, I think to myself why I should go back to that wretched place, but I reminded myself that there must be more to it. There must be a reason, a bigger purpose, if I bear with it a little longer. With that in mind, I decided to face it and see how things turn out later.

 On the highway, I looked at my nails. The paints were exfoliated a little. You may think of me as weird, I don't mind, but this is where I think they are getting beautiful. Because this nails grabbed into a gutter to save a life. Because being pretty doesn't hold them back to do hard works. Because pretty things without scars are just for display. Because being strong and full of scars yet still functioning for good purposes is how I define beautiful.

Career Woman or Housewife?

To be able to survive something I dislike, I turn the angle of the things in my head a bit.

For example, in a situation where I have to move to a new place to do a job I don't really like (which doesn't pay much either), I search for a crack in my mind, which I assume to be elastic, where I could slip my "hand" in and twist the thing into a shape I less dislike. My crack on this is how I change the way I see the job I'm doing and turn it into something more like a warming-up stage before the bigger deal. Therefore, I decided to think of it as an apprenticeship where my cost of living is given sufficiently. I know it's not entirely a good habit, I mean, it's like I kid myself by thinking that I'm okay. However, this makes it more bearable and positive until I can finally feel it for real. That way, I still can count my blessings and learn as much as I could while keep the faith on a better step ahead.

In this "apprenticeship", I learn about a slice of wisdom as a woman: a basic knowledge of handling children (a standard for a good character building before they reach five years old, which is crucial since after five, the "roots" are set) and basic stereotype about a working mom. I don't want to oversimplify things and judging which one is better than the other, but I'll try to divide things up and pick what can be me in the future.

All I see is two choices: either pursuing a career or building a family. It means if I want to focus on my career, I'd better off without kids. As a woman, I can't see myself pursuing something while building a house. I have to keep on the move and the household will be messy without the Lady of the house. On the other hand, if I want to raise one or two kids, I'd better do it right because good building means good foundation, and it requires a very long time of patience..and staying. Investing on their future.

 

I used to look up to carrier women as I always wanted to be one. After almost a year being a preschool teacher, my point of view about this changed. Now I look up to those who can set their priorities straight and not half-ing things. My point being made, both pursuing career and building a family need full attention. To which turn my life will go, I'm still keeping my options open, I'm just sure that it should be one or the other, not half this and half that.

Meeting 20 kinds of husbands and wives from my preschool class, I saw 20 possible characters of wife/parent I can choose from. I have seen a desperate husband whose wife is always working, an overwhelmed house-wife whose husband is always occupied with work, a frustrated pregnant-wife who has a disobedient little girl, a working couple who always have smartphones in their hands or ears, a laid-back mother of twins who can turn her kids' weakness into something to laugh about, a humorous couple who took the time to joke with each other, a defensive wife and a yielding husband, a working mother of 5 rock-headed boys, and many others. Despite all of them are impressive in their own way, if I may choose, I'd like to be that couple who can joke around with each other and turn something embarrassing about their kids into good laughter to all while they keep striving for their kids to be better. For the very least, maybe a couple who is supportive to each other and calm in reaching mutual agreement.

Now back to the options set for myself, that if I am to become a full-time house-wife, I should take more chances to visit new places as an independent woman. On the contrary, if I am to become a full-time working lady, I should at least take more chances to make someone's childhood or future right. That's what I think for now. If there is one thing I know for sure is important for both positions is high education. For working women it's for their salary and career path, while for mothers it's for they will educate an entire future generation. There is always nothing to lose for a woman to have herself educated. :)

I've Been Surviving 7 Months Teaching Preschoolers

Hey there!

It's Fiona, who apparently survived 7 months of being a preschool teacher to twenty 3ish-year-olds.

My colleagues have been taking pictures in class for school profile and I think I could share some of them here, instead of sharing them to some social media applications. Well, if it matters, it goes to my blog. If it is personal, it goes to my blog. If it is silly for the sake of the silliness itself, then it probably goes to my Line or Facebook. So do useful articles. I hardly check my instagram, twitter, path, etc. even though I have the accounts. I don't let "likes" to rate what are precious in my life. Talking about precious, recently, these kids I see everyday are pretty successful in climbing their way up to my "precious" space.

Alright, without further ado, here is how Fiona survived the weekdays:

I actually enjoyed playing along with them. They say that children at this age only required playing as their learning to stimulate their brain, senses, motoric and social skills. Yeah I'm starting to see that. Playing is their language to communicate, apparently. 

You see.. To present from the day they couldn't spell their name until the day they finally can do it..is good, but knowing that they can did it because they like you and they want to see you happy...is amazing. Adults should know that showing how they feel to children is not shameful. When you're sad because they're not focus, show it. When you are very happy when they get it, let them know and feel it too. That is also the biggest reward a child could get, to feel loved and trusted.

This is me helping them do their Show and Tell.

Most of the times, the kid Shows and I, the teacher, Tells.

I also tell Bible Story. Three times so far..and still counting. I got to admit that I really like to tell/read stories because I tend to use a lot of tone and facial expression, but I'm not so comfortable in the religion league. I mean, I feel this as important that I kind of afraid if I accidentally screw it somehow. Honestly, memorizing Bible verse with gesture, singing God-related songs I didn't know, and leading prayers are pretty overwhelming. But, ladies and gentlemen, do I have a choice?

And to teach math and alphabet, it takes fun games and various tone to catch their attention. Repeatedly. Over and over again.

There are so many things to teach them, and there are way sooooooo many more things to learn, even from them.

In early months, I sometimes had my toe-nail smashed or mouth bleed. The boys liked to run and hit (not hit and run). They thought they hugged me, but really they kind of tackle my stomach hard with their head. Full speed. While the girls liked to jump and choke. Again, they thought they hugged me, but really they clung onto my neck. From behind. One time I even had a pencil up my nostril because a boy lifted his arm so suddenly while writing alphabet and I didn't get to dodge. Above all, the award of awkwardness goes to....toilet scenes. They got toilet training to do the order themselves and to hold their own thingy, but they still need company and verbal reminders..so there I was. Standing..waiting..pretending to be busy looking at some sticker on the wall..sometimes commenting..while they took a wee-wee or a doo-doo.

A 3-year-old proposed to call me mum

Today a 3-year-old boy proposed to call me "mum" instead of "miss". It's not that he doesn't have a mom, but still his words threw me out balance a bit.

"Mum!"

"Eh? Do you miss your mum?"

"No. Mum (is) you." *pointing at me with that adorable finger*

"Haha your mum is at home."

"Nono..that my mum and you mum too. May call you mum, please?"

"Hahaha.. It's Miss Fiona, you silly!" I ruffled his hair quickly and walked away.

How in the world a boy proposed to be my son before anyone proposed to be my husband hahaha *cry*

It was cute, but I bet he won't even remember me three years from now.

My First Birthday in the Big Old City

On Monday, September 28th 2015, I turned 24.

I thought I was going to spend my birthday the adult way. It means going to the mall after work, taking away some noodle (for wishing a long life) and other favorites (chocolate/potato/cheese/seaweed based foods) to fill in my happiness tank, watching a movie I downloaded while eating the noodle, then going to sleep. However, apparently..God had something else prepared in store.

Sunday night I was sleeping peacefully until I heard fierce knocks on my door. It was the kind of knock you can't ignore, it was the kind of knock that will not stop until you open the door. I thought that might be about what the elders back then told their kids, that answering midnight knocks brings you illness and bad luck (usually there is no one when you open the door). Or..these could be the boarding house fellows. There was only one way to find out. I opened the door. Only to see this:

 It was dark outside. What are these things? Floating souls? Why are they floating in front of my face? Then I realized that these people were giving me a surprise. I didn't see that coming at all so I wasn't ready to respond. I guess I made weird gestures and smiles to anything. I didn't even remember to cut the cake nor how to do it. So awkward. I didn't even hug any of them. 

Yeah, dude, what's with that arm pose?

 

Smile here, smile there, smile more and nod.

WHO ON EARTH CUT A CAKE LIKE I DID?! lol, no regret.

The morning came and I got ready for work, bringing the fancy cake along. At school, I got happy-birthdays and hugs here and there. Quite amazing how words spread. After Bible Story, still in the middle of class, a friend teacher came in holding a cake and other 4 other teachers suddenly sang Happy Birthday! The highlight though, was in the children's faces.
So shocked, no one sang along they stared blankly with mouths half open. Haha, they were more shocked than me.

Just how these people know I like chocolates?

At lunch I got some face treatment. By face treatment I meant whip cream all over my face and hair.
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After work, my bestie from uni, Elizabeth, came and offered to go to a massage place together, but unfortunately I needed to go back to my place to wash my hair. Yep, 3 hours with dried cream all over your head was not easy to wash. So the plan changed to just going to the mall eating noodle after I washed up. While eating ramen (close enough to noodle), 2 unexpected friends appeared and joined us.

Two of us eating before Valianda and Rudi made their appearances.

More cake! This one is unique, all layers are different chocolates. Isn't that amazing!










To be honest, I don't remember what I wished for, unless for good health. I mean, I am 24, happy, healthy, employed (not yet the best job but I'm on my way), and surrounded by good friends. What else could I ask, despite all the struggles?

Meet all of us!

...and that was how they closed my day perfectly.


Ah yes. I don't check my social media a lot, so I saw this late, only after a friend captured it and sent it through Line. Virtually, this ladies are the winner.

Jenny currently works in Semarang, and Jessyca is now working in Bali. Seeing them holding notes from different cities..Is it just me or this is really cool!

It's Diane and Shiro the dog. Ona was my small name in uni.
The last but not least, is Tiwi. Both pictures are taken in Salatiga. :')











I still need to check what does Tiwi's paper say, though. Hehehe peace, Tiwi!